Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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