It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
