you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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