we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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