1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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