If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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