His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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