she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
