Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
