They should really pass out barf bags in church
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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