I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
