I have demons in me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
