also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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