my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
