Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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