I just saw a hot homeless man
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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