If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
