Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
porn star boner night. come get it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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