at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
