called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
