..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
