dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
