Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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