Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
