No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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