JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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