Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The struggles of a small town man whore
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
