3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
