Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
