I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
