Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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