Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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