Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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