sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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