At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
