I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
