I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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