i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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