he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
