You can't motorboat a personality
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
