It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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