At least make sure they are 18
Why
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I look better un-naked...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
