dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
