I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
