With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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