i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
