Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
