just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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