i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
