you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
