i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
