remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you win again, gameday.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
