She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
