I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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