when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
