It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
