....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
