so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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