i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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