I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
