You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
