yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
