It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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