oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
