also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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