just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
