where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
