If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
