his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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