I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
